An Appreciation Letter to the Guy Who Helped Me Get Through This

  • You were not there from the start of my college journey and it does not matter anyway. But you came again at my lowest. You were there during the days I thought there was no hope. Those times I thought I could no longer reach my dreams. You were there surprisingly after I failed (literally, huh, not a metaphor) and you were also there when I choose to get up. I don’t know why but you keep on saving me. From depression, nervous breakdown, school matters, etc. Before, I thought our paths crossed again because I will be the one to save you but you have saved me so we ended up saving each other. Remember, Saving Sally? Hahaha. Thank you so much. I don’t know what is the most exaggerated appreciation word but I will just say, YOU ARE AMAZING! Continue to live with you passion. I’m always proud of you even if worst things and goodbyes will happen. I don’t care what other people will say. We never cared about them 7 years ago, right? To more memories with you. 💕
  • PS. This is not a goodbye message. Just an appreciation post.

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    A Birthday Letter to the One of the Strongest People I have known

    08.22.18

    The day you were born was one of the happiest and unforgettable moments of my life. That day was indeed a blessing in disguise. In fact, we experienced miracle. You are a premature baby. You were supposed to come out on the ninth month but I guess you are too excited that you came out 3 months early. You are only 6 months old in your mommy’s womb yet you survived. I can still remember that there is another premature baby born on that day but did not survive. You are so brave! You are so brave since birth. That’s why you are called “Caryl”. You are our strong little baby- my first ever niece.

    The miracle did not happened once. But it happened twice, thrice, or maybe everyday? Everyday is another day to say, “Thank You Lord for giving us this amazing girl.” You faced health challenges since you were a child but you are strong enough to conquer all of those. Years passed by, I have found out that you are also blessed with talents. You have a nice voice (not like me), you love playing musical instruments and we also have the same interest in books and writing. You already made a story on Wattpad. When I’m at your age, I only know how to write articles and poems but making stories is just so difficult for me to do. Possessing those skills is something any family member of a premature baby can be proud of. You also love being alone and adore silence. Sometimes I thought that you only read books for you to have an excuse to just stay stay in your room and be quite. Well, maybe yes. But hey, I know you are a real bookworm and I’m always excited to ask you what’s the story all about whenever you finished reading a book.

    You also have your own flaws, of course. Nobody’s perfect. And maybe that is the reason why I can say you are a little Charlene. However, I want you to know that everyday is another day to improve ourselves. We are not born with complete months, but we need to prove to everyone that we are capable of doings things like any normal people do. So what if we are forgetful? We can take down notes to remind us. So what if we are sometimes lazy? We can still change for the better. Yes, we are called “moranta” or “maldita”, but I am proud of you because you have a heart that cares. Not all the people can see it, but you are truly amazing. I want you to know that we may not be perfect, but God is a loving and merciful God. He knows all what our heart desires.

    Now that our baby is already an adolescent, I wish you to have stronger shoulders, not lighter burdens. I wish you all the best of the worst, my love. I love you! HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎁

    OJT Application Diary 💓

    Two weeks ago, I started applying as an intern. I feel discouraged for not receiving phone calls from the two accounting firms where I was applying for. It’s a bit sad to know that some of my batchmates are already working while I’m still searching…. And waiting. I ask myself, “Do I really deserve to wait?” or “Is there something that is worth waiting for? ” Maybe I will just be waiting in vain. Maybe I’m just not good enough. That’s why I tried looking for another company.

    Unexpectedly, my accounting teacher made a Facebook post about a firm looking for interns. By the way, this firm is one of the biggest firms internationally but not that famous in the Philippines. I immediately send my resume and grades. Luckily, as I am eating in the school canteen last Monday, I was called for an interview. I need to be there quickly. I told myself, “This is it. ” I actually don’t feel nervous on that more than an hour interview though. I just thought that if this is for me, then it will be. I took their examination as well. After three days, I got hired. Amazing! There will always be a blessing in disguise. I love the workplace and the staffs are good as well.

    BUT THAT IS NOT THE END OF MY STORY. Last morning, I received a call from the company I visited last week. I passed their examination and they want me to start next week. However, I already have a company to work with. After that, I realize that there is a reason for everything. Maybe I feel so sad last week because I thought that I was not good enough. What if they hired me beforehand? Maybe I will not be able to have the chance to work in one of my dream companies. Maybe I will not be happy to know that we are only two students from my school who made it. And yes, all those maybe’s will not happen because this is all God’s plans. He has better plans for me, really. I feel so blessed.

    Hours after, I receive a text message from the first company I went, I am also qualified to be one of their interns. What happened is really on a perfect time. The first two companies made a delay on hiring me because I was destined for somewhere else.

    So if you are sad that something you are wishing for did not happen, always remember that God has better plans for you. You just have to wait for the perfect timing. 😊

    My Puppies have found their New Owners

    After almost two months of taking care of them,  these cute little puppies (except 2nd from right) already found a new home.  I will not be able to witness their mischievous kulitness every morning,  how my parents get angry with their mess,  and how aggressive they are  when they see me holding a box of dog food. I’m glad I had the chance to keep them. As usual, I’m attached again to some things that I can’t hold for a long time. But for a short span of time that they are with me,  I am the happiest. I’m so lucky to be able to experience stress and fulfillment of being a mother (haha). Also,  I am very happy to know that most (not all)  are in good hands. I wish to see them again- not being the owner anymore,  but maybe in a form of a visitor. 

    See you soon babies 😍

    Strong,  Independent Woman 👩 

    (7/26/17)

    After we broke up, my ex-boyfriend taught me how to become a strong independent woman. I am too dependent,  he knows that. And so before he left, he stressed out that I need to be independent- not for the people I love, but for the sake of my own self. By then I learned to carry my own bag, went home alone and do other things independently. A gentleman would do that but it’s never a man’s responsibility. I realize that too much attachment will not bring you anywhere. Closing doors will urge you to become a better version of yourself without the help of other people. I have to be my own comforter because sometimes,  other people will not understand you the way you wanted. I learned to love doing things alone. I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do. But if you are like me who experienced trauma, you would realize that sometimes it’s better to avoid attachments. It’s better not to get attached with the person you love. It’s better not to expect that person to be there for you all the time. Because when the time comes that somebody will come in your life, may it be a lover or a friend- it will not be that hurtful if that person will leave eventually.  People come and go.  So you must be prepared.

    A Poem For My Mom on her 59th Birthday 💓

    ​8.11.17 CBI

    I once cried for so many reasons
    The world is cruel, giving a lot of complications
    But there comes a woman with abnegation in her eyes 
    A woman who wiped my tears and took away the sadness in my heart

    I once complained about my life coz I can’t feel fairness
    Wondering why I need to suffer and experience darkness 
    But there was a woman from afar who smiled at me
    She look at me with her loving eyes, She look at me with her restless eyes
    I then observe her dirty hands from work
    She’s pale. She’s weak. She’s in pain yet still fighting
    And that woman gave me light
    My problems are nothing compared to the burden she suffered 

    One busy morning, I was in a hurry 
    I need to do things quickly but a figure of a woman caught me
    She’s crying
    The woman with abnegation in her heart
    The woman with loving eyes is crying
    She then told me she’s tired
    She’s tired because she did all her best for her family
    She’s tired of thinking that not a single penny left in her pocket
    She asked help to all the people she knows but none of them gave a helpful hand

    I wanted to help that woman
    I wanted to hug her and wipe her tears
    But I ran away
    I ran away because I am ashamed of myself
    I don’t even know how to help a selfless woman like her
    I am ashamed because I am one of the reasons why she’s crying
    She helps other people that there’s nothing left for her
    And that woman is you,  mama
    No words can explain how thankful I am to have you

    HAPPY 59th BIRTHDAY MA!

    To my love: Read this whenever you get tired of something.

    You will be my source of words in times which I don’t have anything to write. And I will be the first and the last person to appreciate your films when the whole world rejected your stories. You will be my mentor in music, arts and everything in between whenever I am depressed about something. And I will be your meticulous accountant whenever you wanted to waste all your money. You will be my coffee (comforter) in times I get tired of studying. And I will be the last note on a music sheet everytime you wanna give up with music. You will be the last poem I would make and I will be the last love letter that you will write.

    I know you encountered a lot of problems right now (me too). I just thought this might help you/me. I want you to know that I am always here for you. I am your #1 supporter, your #0 fan. I know better days are coming our efforts will make sense in the end. Success is coming 😍😍😍

    From: Your sweetest love ❤

    A Letter From One of The Few

    July 25,2017

    I am a silent writer. Not overused nor mainstream. Since highschool, I just express my thoughts through poetry, journal and stories (aside from being school publication writer) yet only few had an opportunity to read those. I’m not a good speaker. I can’t even dare to use a microphone while speaking and that no one would observe that I’m fucking nervous. I am not convincing, too. I am good in inspiring no one. I can’t tell you stories face to face nor deliver my poems in a creative way. I’m an outgoing person but I’m afraid to speak to other people. I’m afraid that I might say something inappropriate or people might not be able to get my point, which would really happen most of the time. I’m afraid of making a mistake. So I write. I write because all my thoughts, emotions and even my subconscious are being formed into one piece of shit, lol. Though sometimes they are not well arranged or I have grammar issues, at least I have given the chance to express what I am trying to address. I write because a pen and a paper are my best of friends whenever the world rejected my importance or when people have forgotten my existence. I write but I don’t make noise. I am not one of those people you meet in person or you’ve seen in social media who have a very good vocabulary. I just use simple words. Simple so that the person or people who are intended to read my articles would understand. And I just post them on my blog which only few get to see. I am silent. But I am waiting for the right time that I will not be afraid of telling the whole world my thoughts and ideas. I will break the silence. Soon.

    Here’s to those who call a person “fat”

    May 3, 2017

    (This is only a point of view of 1 person and my words doesn’t reflect the view points of other people. ) 

    People will actually call you “fat” without knowing the reason why.  Though it may be in a form of a joke, but words will really hit them. Some may not be affected in hearing such words but at the end of the day, they can say,  “Tamboka na jud diay nako sa?” Then it will be a root of all insecurities and they might think of themselves as “not good enough persons”.

     Humans,  you really don’t know how it feels like.  You don’t know how it feels to suffer depression and there’s no one to talk to and you think God and foods are your only comforter.  You don’t know how it feels to be awake until midnight because something’s bothering you so you seek for food. When you are trying to be a good student but the pressure is getting higher so you eat a lot of hotdogs or kwek2 or siomai or any foods that will give you comfort.  When you suffered a tragic heartbreak and you think a cup of ice cream might help but damn, the pain is still there. You never know that with your teasing words, they are concealing something. Something that they tried to do just to please you. You never know that some of them want to reduce weight but a piece of cake or two-piece fried chicken are tempting. Some of them may experience the need of exercise but their bodies are not that cooperative and the gravity is high every morning.  When you want to eat less but 2 boxes of pizza given by your boyfriend/girlfriend is very difficult to reject. 

    Now, people,  don’t call a person “fat” over and over again because they already know that. Maybe  a simple “How are you?” can make a difference or supporting them is a great help too. Now, I am writing this to inform you all that if you want that person to lose weight, do something instead of teasing them or calling them with that name.  Because in the first place,  they don’t need your opinion. 

    PS.  I am sorry for posting this.