Charlene Anyhow | Blog

Strong,  Independent Woman 👩 

(7/26/17) 

After we broke up, my ex-boyfriend taught me how to become a strong independent woman. I am too dependent,  he knows that. And so before he left, he stressed out that I need to be independent- not for the people I love, but for the sake of my own self. By then I learned to carry my own bag, went home alone and do other things independently. A gentleman would do that but it’s never a man’s responsibily. I realize that too much attachment will not bring you anywhere. Closing doors will urge you to become a better version of yourself without the help of other people. I have to be my own comforter because sometimes,  other people will not understand you the way you wanted. I learned to love doing things alone. I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do. But if you are like me who experienced trauma, you would realize that sometimes it’s better to avoid attachments. It’s better not to get attached with the person you love. It’s better not to expect that person to be there for you all the time. Because when the time comes that somebody will come in your life, may it be a lover or a friend- it will not be that hurtful if that person will leave eventually.  People come and go.  So you must be prepared.

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A Poem For My Mom on her 59th Birthday 💓

​8.11.17 CBI

I once cried for so many reasons
The world is cruel, giving a lot of complications
But there comes a woman with abnegation in her eyes 
A woman who wiped my tears and took away the sadness in my heart

I once complained about my life coz I can’t feel fairness
Wondering why I need to suffer and experience darkness 
But there was a woman from afar who smiled at me
She look at me with her loving eyes, She look at me with her restless eyes
I then observe her dirty hands from work
She’s pale. She’s weak. She’s in pain yet still fighting
And that woman gave me light
My problems are nothing compared to the burden she suffered 

One busy morning, I was in a hurry 
I need to do things quickly but a figure of a woman caught me
She’s crying
The woman with abnegation in her heart
The woman with loving eyes is crying
She then told me she’s tired
She’s tired because she did all her best for her family
She’s tired of thinking that not a single penny left in her pocket
She asked help to all the people she knows but none of them gave a helpful hand

I wanted to help that woman
I wanted to hug her and wipe her tears
But I ran away
I ran away because I am ashamed of myself
I don’t even know how to help a selfless woman like her
I am ashamed because I am one of the reasons why she’s crying
She helps other people that there’s nothing left for her
And that woman is you,  mama
No words can explain how thankful I am to have you

HAPPY 59th BIRTHDAY MA!

To my love: Read this whenever you get tired of something.

You will be my source of words in times which I don’t have anything to write. And I will be the first and the last person to appreciate your films when the whole world rejected your stories. You will be my mentor in music, arts and everything in between whenever I am depressed about something. And I will be your meticulous accountant whenever you wanted to waste all your money. You will be my coffee (comforter) in times I get tired of studying. And I will be the last note on a music sheet everytime you wanna give up with music. You will be the last poem I would make and I will be the last love letter that you will write.

I know you encountered a lot of problems right now (me too). I just thought this might help you/me. I want you to know that I am always here for you. I am your #1 supporter, your #0 fan. I know better days are coming our efforts will make sense in the end. Success is coming 😍😍😍

From: Your sweetest love ❤

A Letter From One of The Few

July 25,2017

I am a silent writer. Not overused nor mainstream. Since highschool, I just express my thoughts through poetry, journal and stories (aside from being school publication writer) yet only few had an opportunity to read those. I’m not a good speaker. I can’t even dare to use a microphone while speaking and that no one would observe that I’m fucking nervous. I am not convincing, too. I am good in inspiring no one. I can’t tell you stories face to face nor deliver my poems in a creative way. I’m an outgoing person but I’m afraid to speak to other people. I’m afraid that I might say something inappropriate or people might not be able to get my point, which would really happen most of the time. I’m afraid of making a mistake. So I write. I write because all my thoughts, emotions and even my subconscious are being formed into one piece of shit, lol. Though sometimes they are not well arranged or I have grammar issues, at least I have given the chance to express what I am trying to address. I write because a pen and a paper are my best of friends whenever the world rejected my importance or when people have forgotten my existence. I write but I don’t make noise. I am not one of those people you meet in person or you’ve seen in social media who have a very good vocabulary. I just use simple words. Simple so that the person or people who are intended to read my articles would understand. And I just post them on my blog which only few get to see. I am silent. But I am waiting for the right time that I will not be afraid of telling the whole world my thoughts and ideas. I will break the silence. Soon.

Here’s to those who call a person “fat”

May 3, 2017

(This is only a point of view of 1 person and my words doesn’t reflect the view points of other people. ) 

People will actually call you “fat” without knowing the reason why.  Though it may be in a form of a joke, but words will really hit them. Some may not be affected in hearing such words but at the end of the day, they can say,  “Tamboka na jud diay nako sa?” Then it will be a root of all insecurities and they might think of themselves as “not good enough persons”.

 Humans,  you really don’t know how it feels like.  You don’t know how it feels to suffer depression and there’s no one to talk to and you think God and foods are your only comforter.  You don’t know how it feels to be awake until midnight because something’s bothering you so you seek for food. When you are trying to be a good student but the pressure is getting higher so you eat a lot of hotdogs or kwek2 or siomai or any foods that will give you comfort.  When you suffered a tragic heartbreak and you think a cup of ice cream might help but damn, the pain is still there. You never know that with your teasing words, they are concealing something. Something that they tried to do just to please you. You never know that some of them want to reduce weight but a piece of cake or two-piece fried chicken are tempting. Some of them may experience the need of exercise but their bodies are not that cooperative and the gravity is high every morning.  When you want to eat less but 2 boxes of pizza given by your boyfriend/girlfriend is very difficult to reject. 

Now, people,  don’t call a person “fat” over and over again because they already know that. Maybe  a simple “How are you?” can make a difference or supporting them is a great help too. Now, I am writing this to inform you all that if you want that person to lose weight, do something instead of teasing them or calling them with that name.  Because in the first place,  they don’t need your opinion. 

PS.  I am sorry for posting this. 

Incomparable Love ♥ 

I may not have deep words like Shakespeare do just to tell the world that my love is true. Our story may not be written by Nicholas Sparks who made a million people cry. Neither our goodbyes and comebacks can make the hopeless romantic inspired. Our love story is just ordinary. But I swear,  we are better than a tragedy.  We are better than a happy ending of a fantasy.  We are better than magic spells or wizardry. Better than “to be or not to be”. Far better than any romance of a movie. Our love story is genuinely ordinary. I may not have romantic words to say.  Not even convincing words for you to stay. But I promise, you are my only.  You always say you can’t define love by using dictionary.  That movies aren’t accurate,  too.  But only now I have known the reason why. Because, our love is incomparable for our love is true.  Our story is unique for our love is true.  You can’t find it in any pages of a book.  You can’t find it in between the lines of a poem.  It’s always in us.  And for almost 6 years,  it still remains in our hearts. 💕 

PS.  I love you. 

A short message to my former adventure buddy. (01.16.17)

It’s a bit sad to think that we can’t have an adventure together anymore. Time flies so fast and there are drastic changes in our lives which we need to accept. In the end, I am still thankful that for once, you became my travel buddy. Partners in crime, I may say. You are a blessing in disguise. Because of you, I learned how to be true to myself. And because of you, I became stronger. I admit, it’s not easy to continue this journey without you. But I am pretty sure that soon, we can find another adventure buddies whom we can share memories with- more memorable than what we had. I wish you all the best and I am looking forward to see you again. But for now, let’s pretend that our adventures don’t exist.

From: Your strong, independent ex-lover.

Not the Last Goodbye

12.22.16 (While I’m watching you play your fave game.)

Your actions have told me that I need to go
But staring at your eyes make me want to stay in your arms
And it may look that I’m just a nuance to you
Yet I still choose to try fixing our broken hearts

I know I’m such a hard headed stupid girl
Coz things like this is likely to end
Now I’m insane and loving this misery
I’m insanely hoping that this will turn into fantasy

A friend once told me that our situation is a loop
No matter how I try to leave, this is endless
Coz everytime I look at you, it gives me hope
Now I’m doing crazy things, foolishness

This poem is so vague and nonsense
Coz I don’t know what I’m trying to imply
All I know that if I’ll leave, fate will pull us closer
And so our story has an endless goodbye

I can’t end this poetry
I can’t leave a dot
For words can’t express exactly what I’m supposed to tell
And this is not the last farewell

To The Next Guy I’ll Love (9.28.16)

To the next guy I’ll love
Whether you’re a stranger or someone I’ve known,
There are few things I want to say
Just to give you warning before you’ll stay

Please don’t come,
I don’t want you to fall
But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to meet you
I’m just afraid that I might hurt you

I’m drained and really tired
There’s a pain I’m pretending to hide
I’m not ready
I’m still not ready to love you

Please make sure you’re on the right time
To avoid confusions so things will be fine
I still need to have a strong heart
For us to have a fresh start

To the next guy I’ll love
If you are reading right now,
We’ll meet soon if granted by fate
And I’m just right here, willing to wait