Incomparable Love ♥ 

I may not have deep words like Shakespeare do just to tell the world that my love is true. Our story may not be written by Nicholas Sparks who made a million people cry. Neither our goodbyes and comebacks can make the hopeless romantic inspired. Our love story is just ordinary. But I swear,  we are better than a tragedy.  We are better than a happy ending of a fantasy.  We are better than magic spells or wizardry. Better than “to be or not to be”. Far better than any romance of a movie. Our love story is genuinely ordinary. I may not have romantic words to say.  Not even convincing words for you to stay. But I promise, you are my only.  You always say you can’t define love by using dictionary.  That movies aren’t accurate,  too.  But only now I have known the reason why. Because, our love is incomparable for our love is true.  Our story is unique for our love is true.  You can’t find it in any pages of a book.  You can’t find it in between the lines of a poem.  It’s always in us.  And for almost 6 years,  it still remains in our hearts. 💕 

PS.  I love you. 

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Not the Last Goodbye

12.22.16 (While I’m watching you play your fave game.)

Your actions have told me that I need to go
But staring at your eyes make me want to stay in your arms
And it may look that I’m just a nuance to you
Yet I still choose to try fixing our broken hearts

I know I’m such a hard headed stupid girl
Coz things like this is likely to end
Now I’m insane and loving this misery
I’m insanely hoping that this will turn into fantasy

A friend once told me that our situation is a loop
No matter how I try to leave, this is endless
Coz everytime I look at you, it gives me hope
Now I’m doing crazy things, foolishness

This poem is so vague and nonsense
Coz I don’t know what I’m trying to imply
All I know that if I’ll leave, fate will pull us closer
And so our story has an endless goodbye

I can’t end this poetry
I can’t leave a dot
For words can’t express exactly what I’m supposed to tell
And this is not the last farewell

To The Next Guy I’ll Love (9.28.16)

To the next guy I’ll love
Whether you’re a stranger or someone I’ve known,
There are few things I want to say
Just to give you warning before you’ll stay

Please don’t come,
I don’t want you to fall
But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to meet you
I’m just afraid that I might hurt you

I’m drained and really tired
There’s a pain I’m pretending to hide
I’m not ready
I’m still not ready to love you

Please make sure you’re on the right time
To avoid confusions so things will be fine
I still need to have a strong heart
For us to have a fresh start

To the next guy I’ll love
If you are reading right now,
We’ll meet soon if granted by fate
And I’m just right here, willing to wait

Loudest Silence (Sonnet 9.30.16)

Too many questions left unanswered
Sheltered feelings and words unspoken
Silent room yet your voice can’t be heard
You said the final word then my heart was broken

My sight is blur and heart’s beating faster
Like the world is shattered for a second
Pellucid words but I pretend it’s obscure thereafter
So I don’t say a word and I reach for your hand

I just clench and hold it so tight
But you let it go now I cried for plea
You are fully decided and I won’t fight
Then you walk away without looking back at me

I’m in a misery, I cannot lie
When you say to me that hurtful goodbye

An open letter to the guy from the past. (10.14.16)

I don’t know what to write coz words aren’t enough to speak what I feel deep inside. But I’m also afraid that I might not be able to say what I am supposed to tell. I keep on asking why after all these years, I found myself having the same feeling on the same person. You may think it’s so odd to hear or maybe you can say it’s a lie. Okay, let’s just pretend that it is.

You see, I’m the girl from the past who keep on coming back. No matter what the situation is and even though we tried so hard to be apart, I still ended up loving (that’s the word) you. And I know love is such a shitty word for you now. I did try to leave, I did try not to care. But everytime I see you from afar, my heart will beat so fast and there’s a feeling that I don’t even understand. Memories with you will still haunt me. And everytime I recall our beautiful (your description) story, I keep on asking if what we have was real. I keep on wondering if we have the same feelings. I want to know if you treasured those sweet little memories. If you’re happy that I became part of your life. And I also want to know if your love for me was real. But I’m afraid to ask, I’m afraid to know the truth.

You keep on asking why out of hundreds of guys that I met, it’s always you afterall. You keep on saying the world is against us but why I still risk something just for you. Simply because what I feel for you is unique. I don’t know what’s with you but you really caught me off guard. Everytime you listen to my nonsense topic & hold my sweaty hands when I’m scared, I have considered you as my bestfriend. You always make me calm whenever I get paranoid and you would always notice the changes of my appearance everyday. But what I love the most is you make me smile and laugh effortlessly. Now those are just memories. We were young back then and now we grew up. We know that things like that won’t happen in the real world right now. But you know what? The remnants from the past will always remain in my heart and I hope we feel the same. That even if the future is unclear, whether we’ll meet again by fate or remain strangers (like what we are now), we knew that what we have is extraordinary and different from the other stories. And for that, I am forever grateful.

“Maybe there is something about the past for we keep on coming back (and eventually destined to fall apart). Maybe I just miss the feeling. Or maybe, just maybe, I want to live there forever.”

The One You Left Behind (Aug. 2015)

(Made a sonnet out from a picture during our Lit1 class.)

Here I am alone and still waiting
Wishing you to come back and save
Me from this trap. Now I’m tired of crying,
I can’t forget you for I ain’t that brave

The sea is calm right here
Its alluring ripples amazed me still
Oh my love, are you starring right there?
My heart is too empty that you need to fill

How I wish your love is like a ship
Even if you leave and went to another place,
You’ll still be back to fix this relationship
And save me with your sweet embrace

Now tell me, is it my fault to love you?
When in fact you are the one who is untrue

FEAR- The Guy’s POV (08/17/26)

Waning: The story is difficult to understand and yeah, f*ck grammar.

There was a guy who is holding a knife with him. He brings it everyday. He doesn’t have friends. He is afraid to have one because he might hurt every person that he meets. One day, the guy who always holding a knife met the girl who changed his life. He knew he was happy. He loves the girl so much and enjoy every moment with her. But one day, the guy was scared. He was scared that he might hurt his lover. He was scared that he might hurt her everyday. He was scared that the knife he was holding might kill the girl he loves. And so he push the girl away. He sees to it that she will never come back. Because that’s the only thing he knew- that he is afraid to hurt her everyday.

SONNET 08

08-30-15

(Dawn, while watching the moon in a beach in Camotes Island.)

 

I’m lying in the sand in a cloudy night

Thinking about the decision that I’ll make

The weather seems cold but the moon is bright

And the scenario keeps my eyes awake

 

Oh, full moon! How beautiful you are.

You look so sweet, lovable and kind

But you are lonely, and I can’t see a single star

Like me who is thinking about my lover that I left behind

 

I’m leaving and lost myself in an island

Trying to fix things to become a better

girl for him. Now I miss him and want to hold his hand

Coz I love him and it’s all that matter

 

I need to know what’s within me

And be the better girl that he wants me to be 🙂

The Girl Who Always Fear

There’s a girl who is afraid. She is afraid to commit mistakes and afraid to get hurt. Yes, she may be so pretty and witty. But deep inside her heart there’s something that she lacks- LOVE. Because of her fear, she don’t want to fall in love. Maybe because she don’t want to get hurt, or maybe she’s just so weak.

There’s a girl who is afraid. She met a guy who changed her life. The guy who open his world to her and made her feel special. The man of her dreams, she said. And for the first time, she let her life filled with love. Wonderful, that’s what she thinks. Until the man leave her without telling why.

There’s a girl who is afraid. She don’t regret anything from the past. Things may be so painful but there’s one thing she realize- she is not weak as what she thought. Because the girl who once afraid to fall in love did the bravest thing in her life. LETTING GO.

An Angel’s Escape

October 2015

We met unexpectedly
And fall inlove accidentaly
Your stare, your laugh, your smile
Can make me crazy for awhile

Cheesy conversations and sweet memories together
Made me think that things may be forever
But I realize this was all wrong
Coz you’re committed to someone for so long

My mind says enough
Coz things may turn so rough
But my numb heart says “No”
For that is so impossible to do

I know one day tears will fall
Stupidity, that’s what we call
But hey, you’re all what I want
Forgetting you, I can’t

If someday I’ll bid farewell,
There’s one thing I want to tell
That I won’t forget all our memories
And I’ll be back, I promise