OJT Application Diary 💓

Two weeks ago, I started applying as an intern. I feel discouraged for not receiving phone calls from the two accounting firms where I was applying for. It’s a bit sad to know that some of my batchmates are already working while I’m still searching…. And waiting. I ask myself, “Do I really deserve to wait?” or “Is there something that is worth waiting for? ” Maybe I will just be waiting in vain. Maybe I’m just not good enough. That’s why I tried looking for another company.

Unexpectedly, my accounting teacher made a Facebook post about a firm looking for interns. By the way, this firm is one of the biggest firms internationally but not that famous in the Philippines. I immediately send my resume and grades. Luckily, as I am eating in the school canteen last Monday, I was called for an interview. I need to be there quickly. I told myself, “This is it. ” I actually don’t feel nervous on that more than an hour interview though. I just thought that if this is for me, then it will be. I took their examination as well. After three days, I got hired. Amazing! There will always be a blessing in disguise. I love the workplace and the staffs are good as well.

BUT THAT IS NOT THE END OF MY STORY. Last morning, I received a call from the company I visited last week. I passed their examination and they want me to start next week. However, I already have a company to work with. After that, I realize that there is a reason for everything. Maybe I feel so sad last week because I thought that I was not good enough. What if they hired me beforehand? Maybe I will not be able to have the chance to work in one of my dream companies. Maybe I will not be happy to know that we are only two students from my school who made it. And yes, all those maybe’s will not happen because this is all God’s plans. He has better plans for me, really. I feel so blessed.

Hours after, I receive a text message from the first company I went, I am also qualified to be one of their interns. What happened is really on a perfect time. The first two companies made a delay on hiring me because I was destined for somewhere else.

So if you are sad that something you are wishing for did not happen, always remember that God has better plans for you. You just have to wait for the perfect timing. 😊

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The One You Left Behind (Aug. 2015)

(Made a sonnet out from a picture during our Lit1 class.)

Here I am alone and still waiting
Wishing you to come back and save
Me from this trap. Now I’m tired of crying,
I can’t forget you for I ain’t that brave

The sea is calm right here
Its alluring ripples amazed me still
Oh my love, are you starring right there?
My heart is too empty that you need to fill

How I wish your love is like a ship
Even if you leave and went to another place,
You’ll still be back to fix this relationship
And save me with your sweet embrace

Now tell me, is it my fault to love you?
When in fact you are the one who is untrue

Memories

September 2014

Months ago, I was affected by changes.

Alone.

Independent.

Trying to stand on my own. The feeling of nostalgia made me wish to turn back time. But I can’t.
And it should not be.

One gloomy day. I was in the chapel. Sitting in the front of God, crying.
I’m sick.
Tired.
Exhausted.
Pretending to be strong though deep inside I’m so weak for so long.

If you were just here beside me, things may be better. Things may be fine.
And I will never fake a smile.

I blame you for leaving. I blame you for being so far. I blame you for letting go of my hand when I’m still learning to stand.

But you know what? I’m asking God to make you happy. Making sure you are fine. I wish you’re doing well. No, not wish. Coz even if I am not seeing you right now, I know that you are.
Happy.
Smiling genuinely.

… without me.

Maybe I’m just missing you. Maybe twas my mistake- not giving others the chance.
But please give me the time say what I feel. Give me the last time to cry. Coz after this, I’m leaving your mem’ries behind.

I hope that one day, when our paths will gonna cross again, I can now smile at you.

No guilt.

No anger.

Not fake.

Just for real. And I’ll see you soon🙂

FEAR- The Guy’s POV (08/17/26)

Waning: The story is difficult to understand and yeah, f*ck grammar.

There was a guy who is holding a knife with him. He brings it everyday. He doesn’t have friends. He is afraid to have one because he might hurt every person that he meets. One day, the guy who always holding a knife met the girl who changed his life. He knew he was happy. He loves the girl so much and enjoy every moment with her. But one day, the guy was scared. He was scared that he might hurt his lover. He was scared that he might hurt her everyday. He was scared that the knife he was holding might kill the girl he loves. And so he push the girl away. He sees to it that she will never come back. Because that’s the only thing he knew- that he is afraid to hurt her everyday.

SONNET 08

08-30-15

(Dawn, while watching the moon in a beach in Camotes Island.)

 

I’m lying in the sand in a cloudy night

Thinking about the decision that I’ll make

The weather seems cold but the moon is bright

And the scenario keeps my eyes awake

 

Oh, full moon! How beautiful you are.

You look so sweet, lovable and kind

But you are lonely, and I can’t see a single star

Like me who is thinking about my lover that I left behind

 

I’m leaving and lost myself in an island

Trying to fix things to become a better

girl for him. Now I miss him and want to hold his hand

Coz I love him and it’s all that matter

 

I need to know what’s within me

And be the better girl that he wants me to be 🙂

The Girl Who Always Fear

There’s a girl who is afraid. She is afraid to commit mistakes and afraid to get hurt. Yes, she may be so pretty and witty. But deep inside her heart there’s something that she lacks- LOVE. Because of her fear, she don’t want to fall in love. Maybe because she don’t want to get hurt, or maybe she’s just so weak.

There’s a girl who is afraid. She met a guy who changed her life. The guy who open his world to her and made her feel special. The man of her dreams, she said. And for the first time, she let her life filled with love. Wonderful, that’s what she thinks. Until the man leave her without telling why.

There’s a girl who is afraid. She don’t regret anything from the past. Things may be so painful but there’s one thing she realize- she is not weak as what she thought. Because the girl who once afraid to fall in love did the bravest thing in her life. LETTING GO.

An Angel’s Escape

October 2015

We met unexpectedly
And fall inlove accidentaly
Your stare, your laugh, your smile
Can make me crazy for awhile

Cheesy conversations and sweet memories together
Made me think that things may be forever
But I realize this was all wrong
Coz you’re committed to someone for so long

My mind says enough
Coz things may turn so rough
But my numb heart says “No”
For that is so impossible to do

I know one day tears will fall
Stupidity, that’s what we call
But hey, you’re all what I want
Forgetting you, I can’t

If someday I’ll bid farewell,
There’s one thing I want to tell
That I won’t forget all our memories
And I’ll be back, I promise

For an Old Love

You have witnessed me before.
You already know how I feel even before I talk .
You are the person who makes me believe that there’s forever.
And the same person who teaches me that there isn’t.
You are my best enemy.
We argue all the time.
And our debates turned into real fight.
Remember?

We have our differences.
I’m childish, you’re so serious.
I’m expressive, you’re mysterious.
We have our own principles.
The reason why we never click sometimes.
But what I love about us is that we are weird.
We have our own world.
Our own safe haven.

You have been my bestfriend.
You have been my lover.
And I don’t know which of the two is the best.
People think we’re crazy.
Guess what?
They are right.
We have found love rushingly.
In fact, the winds of destiny came unexpectedly.

The world is against us.
The society too.
But we just don’t care.
We never listen to them.
Because we’re too young back then.
You are my favorite mistake.
Because for me, you are the one.
The only thing in life that I got right.

We have been forced apart a lot of times.
And I find myself coming back to you all the time.
Even after all these years,
I am still comfortable with you.
Because with you, I’m confident.
With you, I’m different.
With you, I am being myself.
And being with you feels like home.

I always thought time will heal the pain.
I always thought I will never feel this again.
The feeling that have been left for so many years.
The feeling I’ve been hiding all these years.

But we grew up.
We have different passion, different lives.
Maybe our souls are connected.
Maybe fate bind us to meet and separate again.
Because that was 5 years and two lifetimes ago.
Because we have come to realize.
That love is not just about the feelings.
Love, in its deeper sense, is a CHOICE.14079851_1497198043639327_6287449007924324893_n